Do You Need To Get Relationship Closure With An Ex?

However in the world of social media, where people are often “ghosted” – where someone simply disappears from contact without any explanation – feelings are left unresolved. Nevertheless, in normal, non-abusive relationships, giving the true reasons as to why the relationship is ending is the kindest, fair, and honest thing to do. After breaking up, allow your partner some time to grieve the relationship, while offering to answer any questions he or she may have during the grieving process.

Closure has been described—in contradictory ways—as justice, peace, healing, acceptance, forgetting, remembering, forgiveness, moving on, answered questions, or revenge. If your ex is out all the time, meeting new girls, and seemingly having the time of his life now that he’s single, he might actually be trying to mask his feelings. Many guys’ behavior after a breakup looks like this, because it’s an easy way to distract from the pain of it all. At this stage post-breakup, a lot of people in your position might try very hard to get in touch with their ex in an effort to find out what he’s thinking.

Why We Need To Move Beyond The Idea Of Closure

While men need time to heal as well, they often handle it in a way that baffles us and leaves us wondering how they can simply move on to someone new. He’s the creator of the #1 breakup and relationship program of all time, The Ex Factor. However, men who know how to get vulnerable and express their feelings healthily may start missing you and reaching out shortly after the breakup. What’s more, men often either stalk their ex on social media or completely erase any memory of them.

  • People who don’t get closure remain stuck in the state of pathos and self-pity after a breakup a lot longer.
  • However in the world of social media, where people are often “ghosted” – where someone simply disappears from contact without any explanation – feelings are left unresolved.
  • They need to act like the alpha male, so they learn to stifle their emotions.
  • Once the ice has been thawed, steer the conversation toward the what, why and how of your breakup to get the closure you need.
  • Clarifying conversations can help us know what to improve upon or how to alter our course.

There are break-up party games that are supposed to help you find closure, such as Pin-the-Tale-on-the-Ex, and the Penis Piñata. And you are encouraged to find closure by buying Bury the Jerk kits or Wedding Ring Coffins in order to “bury the past” and move on. This stage is often temporary and is followed by stage two which involves curiosity about you. (After reading this post all the way through, you can see my post, “Stages Your Ex Goes Through During No Contact,” for more information). Now your ex could feel obligation to live out their answer and to actually live up to it. Again, if you are not completely honest with your answer, you won’t benefit from this content.

Do You Need To Get Relationship Closure With An Ex?

“I know we had been having problems, but I still don’t know what was that final straw that pushed her to dump me – so unceremoniously, that too. Did she suddenly have an epiphany that she didn’t love me anymore? It’s been 10 years since we parted ways, and these questions still keep me up at night sometimes,” Noah says. I believe finding closure after a breakup is extremely important in regards to the healing process. Letting go of the hurt and pain is the first step to making peace with what happened.

what is closure and why do we need it after relationship breakup

Then meditate over these thoughts in your mind or even say “I forgive you” aloud. This heals the anger, the sadness, the betrayal, and the nastiness. Going “cold turkey” with your ex after a break up is great in theory, and is probably the correct course of action, but it is not realistic.

What Is Closure And Why Do We Need It After Relationship Breakup

The strange thing about closure is that it sometimes comes long after the relationship is over, and yet, sometimes, even before it ends. The truth is, you can usually see where your relationship is headed, and you just don’t know what to do or what to feel. Individual differences in the need and ability to achieve closure can also play a crucial role in the potentially detrimental effects of not obtaining closure. This includes psychological distress, such as feelings of anxiety and depression, with individuals questioning themselves – in particular their judgements, skills and abilities. Research indicates that certain types of personalities are different in the ways they approach closure.

These sentimental reminders will only keep you locked into the past, and the past is what you’re trying to get over. No matter what they do, or even if it makes no sense, you still have to believe in yourself. Get closure, by holding on tight to the great person you are. If you must have some contact, such as contact because of shared children, then you must set firm boundaries.